bonnmkii's Blog

I feel the urge to rant about people, again, wooo!

I recently befriended someone on EP (not naming names, no inferences, don't ask) who I feel is a very interesting person. I adore the way their mind thinks, I sort of like the way the present themselves (well, online) and I sincerely do enjoy knowing this person.

That being said, at the risk of sounding shallow, I then found out what this person looks like. A lot of us on EP will post pictures of ourselves, many of them are even real photos of our actual selves. I posted something of myself in my profile so I'd stopped being nagged about "what do you look like", plus I know there is only one person who looks like me and I've had enough luck in life with what looks I have to not care about other's potential negative comments :P

Still, I can't help but have my opinion dramatically changed by knowing what someone else looks like. I don't try to judge people on such vain things and generally I do not care what anyone looks like, it really does not effect my life much in the grand scheme of things.

I've known all kinds of people, beautiful and stupid, ugly and brilliant and about everything else in between and a couple of odd situations where something/someone defied those definitions.
Still, now that I know what this person looks like... I think less of them! I can't help it >_<

I bet you think they're pretty stupid and nasty looking now right? Nope, they could use a crash course in etiquette but they are quite gorgeous, WITH a functional brain! But that's what gets me... most of the 'nicer' looking people I've known in my life (especially the younger they are) the more vile an attitude they seem to have. The uglier they tend to be on the inside.

It's not something I intend to act on or worry about in any way, it just makes me wonder. I'm a relatively unbiased person in my judgement or others (or well, at least I think I am fair).
This person's pretty face just says to me "I'm a total ****"
I would not approach them 'irl' just because of the way they look... what a shame! and I'd be the one to miss out!

I suppose one of the hardest things I have ever tried to do is change my natural perceptions about how I look at life though. It's not easy to unlearn something that's been with you a little longer than a habit and is twice as fixed in you.

A couple of months ago a friend of a friend was trying to get rid of a relatively new, 10 gallon aquarium. Today I got the tank, which came with some food, water conditioning, etc and four cute lil fishies. I think they are tetra... or alien pygmy goldfish.

I originally wanted to get this because I have a beta who doesn't play well with others and he seems like such a lil' guy in a big 20 something gallon tank. Considering what I got, I feel like I paid the former owner too little but she wasn't interested in money :P

Maybe the more living things I keep going around my house will help generate some kind of positive life force and push some of the bullshit out of my life... or well, at least my home. Hooray for tiny alien pygmy goldfish with feng shui type powers.

I like being me, being a sentient being who influences the world in the ways I do, but I found myself feeling a little envious of these tiny fish. They are swimming around, eating, sleeping n' pooping- not a care in the word except maybe, "is it time for more fishy flakes?"

I had wanted this tank for my beta, but I guess he's happy enough in his tremendous kingdom where he's top fin and I love how cute these wiggly, tiny fish are in their own new 10 gallon world.

Today I will allow myself to roll with the punches, whatever may come.
Today I will sing loudly, badly and dance even if there are people around and not let their words prevent me from enjoying my time in this world.
Today I will not be reasoned with, persuaded or moved by anything short of death... as if that'd stop me!
Today I'm enjoying life too much to be slowed down by misery

why why why why you ask do I go go go!? because that is what my brain does, see this green pill? see this green pill? see this pink pill? they don't do enough! just accept that I am an incredibly intelligent, sensitive, clever person and realize that sometimes I talk too damn much, too quickly or long-winded because I am NOT most people. I am not high maintenance, I am high performance! :P  lol sure sure buddy!!

couple of songs that help when everyone else is draggin' ass and I'm like OMG GO! We're gonna miss the Ball!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odU1bHaYNDQ

and 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p7EONScLrHg

both by Jimmy's Big Ego

YAY it's my EP blog, a place I can go vent and whine ^_^

It's pretty interesting to look at our 'global society' today, consider all that man has achieved and then considering today's accepted norms.

I think it's funny in an ironic sort of manner that I am so cut off from people but people seem to be one of the  main sources of my frustrations in this world. I will use social networking sites like EP and facebook to talk to some of my friends, but it's a small circle, I talk to then rather sporadically and having issues with panic disorder, it's hard to really fit into most normal molds, to do things like normal people... um, socially speaking :)

The kicker to this is that when people are online, they too often are untrue to themselves. People hidden safely behind a computer is more prone to say something far more hateful or irritating, something they'd never say aloud in person- probably from lack of conviction or fear of reprisal.

I don't mean to say all people are problematic, I'm not haunted by some tremendous social stigma, I just don't live the most conventional of lives and so I don't live like most people. I don't go to the movies, I never went to clubs with friends and got belligerently drunk, in many ways (at the risk of this becoming a pit-party), for one reason or another in life it feels as if I was purposefully left out of all the reindeer games with all the other reindeer. aww... I like that game too! :(

I don't mean any of this in an elitist sense, I try to be a nice guy but I know I am by no means perfect myself. I know I'm not the only one who's likely to get frustrated out there, it's just the circumstances of everyone's life is different. Sometimes actually having a chance to deal with someone 'new' can end up being more frustrating than not. I can't tell you how many times I've written someone (not just EP) and never heard a reply or even got some kind of reply like "who gave you permission to talk to me!?" type reactions.

I KNOW there is something fundamentally wrong with the way people treat one another these days. It's as if our technologies and ways of life skyrocketed so quickly we didn't have enough time for our society(ies) to mature with the pace of other forces at work in our lives, shaping them. People have never lived in the ways we do now and while we may seem connected, we're separated in so many ways. I don't think I can put things in numbers but it's safe to say that for every well-adjusted, friendly person with socially acceptable behavior that I see online, there seems to be 2-3 disruptive, miserable, joyless ****'s and about 30 people who are either too afraid, asleep or lacking in conviction to say a word. It's disheartening to say the least.

I'm well used to the concept of rejection or feeling left out just because of some of the screwy things I've seen in life. I'm sure most people have adapted the same way. I think it's the lack of some basic manners that bothers/puzzles me the most though. Not everyone can be such a disaffected malcontent in actuality- so why the lack of tolerance? Where does this massive sense of grumpiness come from?

In a sad sense, I don't think people are worth giving up on so easily, but I'd be lying if I said trying to meet new people, just trying to deal with your average person at the local 7-11 is ten times harder than it used to be, or so it seems. Mostly, I just feel frustrated for trying and seeing little to nothing for my efforts... who wouldn't feel that way, dealing with anything and getting such poor results?

Well, no other choice but than to carry on and do my best... at least until I can afford my own land with plenty of attitude adjusters laying around :P

I went out today for the sake of it, hoping it would help me get used to going out and not being so agoraphobic or letting my anxiety problems have quite so much control over me. I didn't really think things through, so when I did go out and suddenly found myself in an unfamiliar looking neighborhood, my body's reaction was to panic. I knew relatively where I was, but things just didn't seem right- plus I felt so far away from my 'safe' home (no place is safe, really... I've had a LOT of panic attacks at home).

The sensations these things give me can be so terrifying. I started to feel numb, also I felt as if my head was slightly detached  or maybe it just wasn't there but I got this cold, clammy skin and couldn't really feel quite right. I don't know how to explain the physiology  other than a slight numbness with a tingling sensation, I could still feel the seat belt across my chest, my fingertips touching one another. A good deal of this was all me, all in my head, made by me for me. I could have approached the situation better, but I handled it well. I was hyperventilating without really noticing it, which probably helps explain why my skin felt tingly and numb (or a good theory anyway).

I told myself what has been the start to helping end many panic attacks in the past- all that I was feeling was just anxiety, it would pass and I had control over the situation. When you feel out of control like this or deludged with massive amounts of strange feelings and excitement from all angles, it can really make you feel completely out of control of your own body. That in itself is a scary thing to dread happening to you, let alone going through it (like I said, I did almost all of this to myself, not on purpose but I wasn't helping by worrying). I closed my eyes, the scenery going by was just too much and luckily I wasn't the one driving (hehe!)
I took in a deep breath and tried to steady my heart rate by breathing in at a comfortable pace with the intent to slow things down. I tried counting to myself, partly to distract myself, partly to help measure my breaths. In, 1, 2 3... hold 1, 2, 3.. exhale 1, 2, 3... take a short, natural (untimed) breath so I don't feel like I am suffocating... 2... 3... breath in 1, 2...

My heart rate slowed, allowing my amgydala to chill out and stop freaking out telling everyone else in the brain that the ship is going down. I felt less numb and a comforting sense that I had an amount of control in this situation helped. I started to relax, but the really bad panic attacks I go through take a lot out of me. When I got home I felt physically and emotionally drained. It wasn't the best outing I've had, but I intend to go back out to the same place tomorrow and try to deal with things as best I can.

Even if it doesn't seem to me like I had the most productive trip out, the best point is that I did indeed have some problems with anxiety, but that I handled it relatively well. Practice, kind of exposure therapy, helps me to deal with my anxiety when I am out. I grow accustomed  like any person will to most any situation and make the best out of it that I can. I don't really consider me fighting with my own emotions today a victory, but it was certainly progress in the sense that I am facing my problem head on.

Exposure therapy is just like what it sounds, you put yourself in direct contact with a phobia or issue you have and force yourself to deal with it. It's hardly fun but along with a positive mindset and a good idea of how to relax your breathing helps a lot. That and learning how to stop the chain reaction of chemicals speeding through your system, which makes your body think it's in a fight or flight situation.

When I was young, I'd play in the woods all the time, I loved exploring and while I didn't always love camping, being outdoors always made me happy. I have to keep pushing myself through my fears, then I can get back into going outdoors and fooling around in the woods. Only being older, I'd be fooling around in the woods professionally.

Hours later I still feel worn out, like I went through some kind of emotionally challenging trial (which, I did in a way). I feel like I did something progressive though too, standing up to my fears. Better luck tomorrow :)

I take three doses a day of three different kinds of medication to help me cope with panic disorder and agoraphobia to a lesser degree. One of them actually helps me noticeably  one I feel like it's somewhat helpful and the other is just... ugh! Well it's Paxil, if that says anything to you.

I don't have a strict schedule that I take my meds by, rather I tend to take them when I wake up, a few hours later and another dose a lil later. Unfortunately I've noticed that I know when its time for me to take my meds by the way I feel. I take some and 20 mins later I'm feeling 'normal' or not having issues with dizziness. It's so stupid and I know most of it is coming from this Paxil crap.

I've taken Paxil for a while now, partially because my old docs always thought I needed an anti-depressant to help with panic (wait, what?), also because I am essentially physically dependent on it. I've tried getting off of it, it's hellish. The way I feel when my meds start to ebb out of my system when I just need to take a dose makes me uncomfortable to say the least, so I'm not sure how I will ever kick this medication unless... hrm, in a coma or something, ugh.

Today was odd, I was in and out of bed a lot and I didn't really take my meds when I usually do. I woke up 20 minutes ago and I'm just now starting to get to the point that I don't want to squint because my pupils are less dilated  Things seem to be more in focus now and I feel less... hrm, well it's an odd, dizzy feeling but I don't know that there is a word I can use to describe how I felt all together.

Having my life twisted about so much by a seemingly invisible problem has been bad enough as is, having it made worse because the medication I am taking is troublesome as well as helpful... it doesn't promote warm, happy feelings.

I'm sure I've written about this before in my EP blog too. It's almost like a sickness in itself that I keep taking this medication, seemingly unable to stop taking it because my body tells me I NEED it.     :/

Oh yeah, having nightmares and then waking up anxious is fun too, gotta throw that in when I haven't taken my meds "on time" because I was asleep. How dare I!  :P

The world seems to be slowing down, become softer and more peaceful in a sense. My eyelids are growing heavy as the sun is just starting to peek through the trees. I've made it through one more day. One more day of having almost no contact with the outside world, except maybe a couple of emails. One more day closer to 'payday', which will bring a brief relief of sorts, I might even seem interested in one thing or another. It will pass though and I will slip back into a sorrowful state, disgusted with my life but unable to really make any great changes. Any progress seems painfully slow and to come at a greater price than what most people seem to have to... um, pay?
Yeah, sleepy, dumber brain working harder and coming up with more creative thoughts, different kind of thoughts. Sleepy thoughts.

Each day I continue to live in the DC metro area, I see more reasons why I should move elsewhere- perhaps Southern Colorado or in NE New Mexico, close to Colorado. Why? *shrug* it's more attainable than moving to Perth at the moment and it seems like a nice place. What I'd like would seem like a lot to some, perhaps not so much to others. A little farm, where I can work year 'round outside without dying from heat and humidity. Someplace not so far away from civilization but not too far removed. A nice, somewhat rural place to build my dreams into a reality, with my own two hands from the ground up. 

Often people daydream and wonder about a better life. Recently I've really been thinking about why things are the way they are. If you think about it, most people you know have almost all of their livelihood tied up in a system. A system that monitors your food, energy usage, the types of TV shows you like and while it seems nurturing, it's just as stifling to live within such a system. It seems like I've met so many people that just want to break free and do their own thing, make their own fate and not have to answer to the small gods of this system, like metro tickets, car insurance or voting for some idiot, thinking it'll really make a difference.

I don't know if I'd say the system of things in America is completely broken and beyond repair, but almost all the people I know are struggling financially. They either can't find a job, are stuck in some contract or waiting for retirement... and then there's people like me... people who are passed by in the grand scheme of things because we just don't fit. It's not that I am worthless, I feel quite different, it's more like the system that governs things just sees me as something like a leech, something unneeded.

I think the system, the machine, the insane and corrupt way of life we've all come to know as a given is not conducive to the happiness of your average person. It's not just my own America, the same issues bother people worldwide. If 1% of the population controls a great amount of the power and industry (at least in America)... are we cowards for not revolting when our country's guiding principles say, DO NOT SUFFER TYRANNY!

I think some people are indeed scared, so scared they hide behind invisible men in the clouds and clasp their hands and speak hushed desires. Others may just need hope, or some kind of direction on where to start to change things.

It is my own hope that all this 2012 nonsense sparks a revolution for mankind. Inspired by not just a desire to live better, but motivated by righteous anger to be allowed to make their own fate, perhaps people will change. Perhaps the end of the world as we know it will simply be an end to car commercials and a revival of people growing their own food. How many of us actually eat 'real' food, not some processed and conveniently packaged byproduct that has some trace element of sustaining nature in it.

I'd love for people to at least agree with me on some core principles, but it's okay if they don't. Still, I think the idea of being able to better control your own fate, to know what you are actually eating, to not have to be bombarded with dumb ass commercials about useless things... I have hope in possibilities, but so little faith in mankind. It seems like so much of the world is screaming in anger right now, sick of it all, ready to topple over the perceived notions of what is with a more wholesome, meaningful ideals of what should be.

A small farm somewhere near the NE New Mexico/Colorado border, with a few creature comforts, all built and designed for freedom from "The Man", that's my little slice of Heaven I'm interested in. Far away from the obnoxious Marines at Quantico who feel the need to make the Earth shake and the sky tremble as they destroy ordinance. Yeah, that'd be nice :)

You know those times where you didn't get enough sleep and your body feels sore all over, every little thing seems to irritate you and people are damn near insufferable?
Well that's not really how I feel, at least anymore... after being up for a little while, and sleeping much less, I have this foggy, dreamy kind of feeling.
Sleep deprivation was always my drug of choice when I was younger, I often felt like I would come up with some of the most abstract and yet wise things when I seemed half in this world and half... well, elsewhere. Somewhere, a place none of us know the name of until we've worked an 18 hour shift or spent a day moving furniture and boxes... or maybe when you just don't get enough sleep and end up feeling like you're really experiencing a strange kind of dream than awake.
Everything is more peaceful, things seem to be slower and my brain is working so hard it seems to come up with some interesting ideas about the world around me. I don't know if I could communicate these ideas very well, not in the way I understand them. Still, it's a nice sort of fugue state. I feel kind of sedated, only without the icky drugs :)

I may not live in the Amazon, New Orleans or SE Asia, but we get a LOT of humidity here near DC.
The area is a temperate forest that used to be full of wetlands, swamps between the occasional valley or river. Man came in and terraformed everything, creating the American capital right in the middle of a swamp- how fitting! This means that when we have rain, whether it's in the warmer seasons or not, it gets pretty humid.

When I woke up today, the house was pretty stuff so I turned on a big fan we have in the attic that pulls outside air in. It was cooler for a while but I think I ended up pulling more hot, wet air into the house than accomplishing much else.

Reading through some articles online, I kept getting a lot of repeats of the obvious or lazy ideas of how to beat the heat. "AC, demuhidifiers, etc"... I'm sure I have all the parts and most of the chemicals I need here to create a homemade dehumidifier, but I'm not confident enough in my abilities to try inventing one. I did read one particularly inventive idea though, on a British forum.

It mentioned taking two buckets, stacked with the one on top having a hole drilled in it's bottom and the insides covered in cheesecloth (good example of a permeable layer). The top bucket was filled with rocksalt, mentioning to drain the collected water from the bottom bucket. Seems simple enough to work but it made me wonder if a spout/drain on the bottom bucket and a fan over the top of the top bucket wouldn't help. I'd love to try such a process with Drierite (it's a dessicate material I use for drying mushrooms). Colored Drierite is cool, it's like these little blue/pink pellets that change color depending on the amount of moisture they absorb. Hrm...

Oh yeah there was one other simple suggestion I liked- plants, especially plants that like to feed off of moisture in the air. I'll have to work on this and see how things go next Summer... assuming I'm still living in this cesspool.

Wish me luck!

Simplicity and Fortitude, they are the ideals I strive for to find my own peace within my self. By following a code in our lives, we honor our beings and can sometimes make sense of this strange world we live in. I seem to best like the notion of Simplicity & Fortitude. Two entities, separate but entwined like the serpents of the Caduceus they offer a symbol of synergy or perhaps something symbiotic.

Alone, they are good notions to strive for, to be simple in action and have fortitude within life to get by.
Simplicity of thought is not to say one is ignorant or stupid, but rather focused in a more narrow path. Simplicity may seem to dictate thought, but ritual actions like riding a bike, pacing a jog or hammering nails into wood are simple, mechanical, quite physical actions. They work with a bold stroke, a narrow-minded notion that has grim determination, but not beyond compromise. Never say never... except when saying never :)

Fortitude seems more obvious; strength of character, body, mind, soul- whatever. Being tough makes it easier to cope in life. It doesn't give you a free pass on pain or making yourself focus on completing a deadline, but rather a person of fortitude will cope better with a given situation.

There are times in every person's life that we feel like we've lost our way or perhaps we do not really understand who we are or what we are supposed to do. I always keep the notions of simplicity and fortitude in mind, together and as a sort of motto. I know simplicity sounds a bill like I'm dull, that's not it. Let's just say some things don't translate well from Japanese to English :)

Of course there are broader, more passionate things in life like love, joy and of course pain. These two things are just the first things I think of when life throws a curve ball. Life hardly offers up serenity easily, so it's probably good to have an easy, well thought-out coping mechanism for life. 

I saw some soldiers on the military channel talking about their invisible wounds, an idea I'm quite familiar with. They were focusing on their PTSD and how it makes them feel in general.
One of the men said that it's like a pressure cooker in a way and he walks around with anger he can't understand, anger that fatigues him and those around him. He just waits for someone to push his buttons, to release some of that built up pressure, just like a pressure cooker.

I loved the way he said what he said, I could really relate.

I KNOW I am affected by PTSD, I have been through enough situations in life that would make a person have PTSD to some extent even if they only went through one or two of em'. I guess I just never gave myself enough credit for some of the anger and frustration I have being the left overs of some drama from the past... makes sense, even if I don't want to be labeled with another acronym for a mental problem. 

It's quiet... too quiet. Or something like that...

 I saw two people today, two of the same people I see everyday. Very few words are ever exchanged, but I guess it's someone.
Another day is passing where I slept the daylight hours away and did nothing in particular, sitting in front of my computer.
I went outside to hang out with the crickets and silence- I feel more comfortable when my neighbors are in bed asleep and I have the world to myself. I carved a piece of wood into a... um... shredded up chunk of wood with no evident purpose. No cars passed by, no lights were on in any of the houses, nothing alive moved. It felt as if I were the last person on Earth, passing away humanity's final gasp with... with what, wood? I wondered to myself, what purpose does it serve for me to be sitting here, just carving something... well, nothing really.
I thought a lot about purpose, knowing I was not the last human alive on Earth but feeling like it all the same.

So many times I have tried to help people get to a place, only to fail them because I can't make them care. How do you make yourself care though, that is, without lying to yourself about how you believe things will get easier- blah blah blah.

I want to care, I want to make a difference, I want many nice n' positive things out of life. But how... how do I make myself care when I can never maintain a good mood for long. Where do people find the will to keep trying when you're all tried out. What do you do when you can't take a vacation and get away?
I hope I find my answers soon enough, but even if it's just grim determination I will always try... whatever that's about or worth though, I'm not sure.

I was watching old school GI Joe, early this morning... reminds me so much of childhood, I had a lot of them.

I had to laugh at a couple of things that I wouldn't even have thought of when I was a kid

'Snowpedo's', torpedo's fired from snowmobiles which have ski's attached to the bottom so they can travel over snow. I especially like the name :P

Also there was a bad guy recreation center (it was in the middle of the Antarctic, hence the use of snowpedos).
I'm not really sure how the bad guy's rotated their troops so they could rest and relax in the South Pole, but when our heroes stormed the place, they were initially greeted by a robot.
The robot told them about all the R&R attractions at the resort and showed them video footage of each area (a pool, a theater, a gym, cafeteria, etc)... but the great thing is that throughout all of these lil' pictures, all the bad guys still have their helmets on- no matter what they are doing, even swimming.

Oh yeah one other thing- the "good" guys had weapons that looked like M16's and M14's while the "bad" guys had weapons that looked like Type 85's and AK-47's.

I love all these stupid differences I notice just from my age, but I wonder if I didn't enjoy the cartoon more as a kid when I was ignorant to all the propaganda they used to put in those cartoons.

snowpedos are pretty awesome though :D

So sometimes I have these sudden episodes where BAM! my vision gets sharp, I breath quicker, I can hear everything humming so loudly, my body gets ready to get down.
Strange thing is, my mind isn't! I was just reading and suddenly I started to have a panic attack. I know why I had one, something upset me earlier and I had finally calmed down enough to process all the drama, relaxed and distracted by my book, panic found a way in.

I'm getting good at dealing with these things, like right now I think I might still be having something of one but the idea of punching it in the bread basket and then stuffing it in someone's trunk to be drove off and buried in places yet unexplored... hrm, yeah sometimes distracting myself from things that cause me to be anxious or making fun of my anxiety helps.
Laughter is the best medicine right? Well it's good anyway

So I told my anxiety to shove it, now I have to remain calm and distract myself with something. Everyone remain calm! okay! Calm!! NO ONE YELL! CALM!! O_O

I hope my head doesn't a'splode, that'd be quite a mess to clean up

I'm agoraphobic and have panic attacks- yet lately I haven't had too many problems with keeping my panic in check or going out. I've been going out for walks with the dog, it feels good to get off my behind and just check out the world outside my own lil' enclosure.

I've noticed since a couple of people from EP stop talking to me, I've had a LOT less stress! I guess I just adore people despite their weaknesses, hoping they can overcome them. I feel like the people around me anymore are a lot more positive too. The future looked so clouded in the past but it seems like a lot of my dreams about a small farm in a semi-rural place, with tons of green ideas fitted in is becoming a reality   :D

It's nice to feel more free, at least like I have a direction to move in, not just sit and wait for life.

If you're a nut about green hippy building stuff, I suggest permies.com, or maybe some of their videos
It's not all about building from the ground up, you could always get ideas on how to retrofit your own home.

I have been in a very creative mood lately, doing a lot of sketches of ideas and planning how I want to build a few of the things I'm working on. I have a friend who is quite hippiesque but he was also an engineer in the Army and knows his way around cars and all that electrical stuff I don't, so that's cool... plus he loves some of the ideas I have and wants to try them too. We've both decided to build an adobe oven together, this way I can show him how it's 'supposed' to be done and he can get some practice. Also he's going to help me hook up an alternator and battery bank to a small, horizontal windturbine I made from scrap bike parts.
It's nice to have someone with similar interests to work with, to really get some stuff done with because you motivate each other.

ok I babbled some :)

I've felt very inspired lately, driven consistently by my curious, hyper mind. Now that I have a variety of tools I've bought / collected over a few years all in one place, with a decent sized spot to work, I REALLY feel like I need to make up for years of lost crafting time. A lot of people might find that trivial but I get lost in creative advents. I especially love really tiny, functional 'artsy' things.

Anyway I need to get some creative energy put to work instead of just daydreaming, although daydreaming does help me assemble some cool things.

As much time as I spend thinking, I need to spend more time thinking about how I want my reality to be... not simply covering up negative things with a thin blanket of positivity. Still, it has it's uses :)

I have so much to say and so much on my mind but I always tend to go from one topic to another, frantically looking for seemingly unconnected things and then ending up with something that I find fun, interesting or profitable. This is well and all, however I think I need to spend more time meditating and less time worrying about what others think (well, negatively mostly).

Um... and uh... oh what's that!?

and I run away...

hhhhhhaaaaaacccckkkkkkkk!!
I still have a cold, it's in it's death throes though, I am feeling better n' better every day! ^_^

Everyday, in every way, I'm getting better and better! ^_^

Don't hate, it's not worth the energy.

My keyboard is sticky, kinda hard to type.
NO! It's not all those hot Aussie girls online, it's cuz... my brother was bringing me some mtn dew from the store (yeee haw redneck water!) and he dropped the box.. The cans inside suffered lasting trauma so that when you open a settled can from the ill-fated pack, it bursts open with greater than average force. One soda hit me with a sneak attack, now my H key is... okay so you get the idea.

Where'd the wet napkin deals go...

Why do I get headaches so much?

I have great expectations. Not so much with the explanations.

I have a small collection of moving parts and the knowledge of how to make stuff work. I'm kind of hoping for a doomsday but I'm thinking we'll just go on and do our own thing. If Ron Paul isn't elected though, it'll totally be doomsday. Yup

Have you seen a movie, simply named "Super" ?  Well, you should go watch it then, it's hilarious.
A guy in it tries to be a super hero and goes around whacking people in the head with a pipe, it's great.
For those who've seen it... wtf!? Volty!? I know, I almost cried.

Juno still sucks.

Not much, just... you know, sitting around waiting to get over this cold. I don't want to do any work with things that can become infected while I'm sick let alone setting up lab type stuffs so yeah, that's my excuse for sitting on my ass playing star wars online (NO YOU'RE MOM'S A NERD!!) ...man there are some racist, mean ass, fat lil' white boys on that game O_O
Make a 33 year old feel... older. Sometimes wiser.

and here you thought making comments about people's momma's was old. Well, it is... but it's classic see, so yeah. Hi mom!
My mom is so computer illiterate, she'll never see this.

The Japanese do some pretty weird f'ing things but when they get ahold of good jazz, I like what they do with it.

Yeah that's all.